I am a hypocrite..

Rush of Fools sings a song called Undo, and in it there is a line that says:

To label me a hypocrite would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be.

True Dat.

Most days, I feel like a hypocrite. I preach don't judge, and then judge the person standing in front of me at WalMart. I'm no better than the next person, the Bible says we are ALL sinners, and we ALL have fallen short.

I am no better.

Raining

My dad always use to say, "When it rains it pours." This summer that couldn't be more true in our life.
School is overwhelming, almost.
Work, is ridiculous (Welcome to summer in Branson) add to that employees who don't know what is appropriate behavior.
My ex is.... ugh.. not even going to go there (My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.. and I really don't have anything nice to say.)
A wedding I'm trying to plan with no money...
And my car messing up AGAIN!!!! And this time it's another major issue... So now I'm upside down in a loan on a car that has already costed me $600 plus dollars this summer...

Lord,

I know that you have a plan... And you promised to never give me more than I can handle...

I am trusting in You to help and to Provide.

I am leaning on You and your word... My human nature is about to break down... Lord You see my tears. I pray for wisdom and strength.

I love you and am so grateful my life is in your hands. Please help me to remember that you have all this under control.

Thank you

Am I More?

Sometimes I get to point where I really being to wonder if God can see past all the mistakes I've made. People look at me and tell me that you are a really good person. But they don't know. They don't know all the stupid things I've done. All the hurts I've caused. All the problems I've caused. They don't know the selfish decisions I've made. And being a parent, most days I feel like I've failed at being a good parent. And when I share my thoughts with other people they don't understand why I feel this way. "Because you are a good person." The Bible says that being a good person isn't good enough. I want to have a heart for Him. I want to be close to Him, but everything I do pulls me away from Him. Failure. It's becoming a familiar feeling.



I heard this song on the way to work this morning and it made me cry, because it reminded me I've been remade.

Don't call me that.

Am I the only that doesn't like it when others call you an inspiration? I'm not an inspiration. I am not someone to look up to. I am so worried that my actions will lead others astray, when I'm trying to lead them to Him. So please don't get mad if I say I'm not someone to look up to. I'm struggling with myself to keep putting God first, and I fail most days.

One of those days...

I am just so glad that God has given me a heart that one days like today, when I think about His grace and His mercy, I am overwhelmed to the point of tears.  God loves me. God provides for me. God is still God even if my world was falling apart. Some days, I have a tendency to forget how good He is to me. And then there are days like today where all I can think about is his goodness.

I refuse

I love music.. I love listening to music, especially when the lyrics really speak to me. I have been told that I have a worshiper's heart. And I agree with that statement, because I love to sing praise and worship music, and I love to worship. There's something about it that really feeds my soul. I know that I have a horrible singing voice but I don't care.

Today's song is I Refuse by Josh Wilson, because it says,


But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse




I love this song, because that is the desire of my heart. I don't want to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself! I refuse! 


Love that song. 

A thousand times I failed...

These lyrics are hitting home today:
A thousand times I failed still Your mercy remains.

A THOUSAND times I failed... not just 10, not a 100, but 1000.. That's me, I fail over and over again, and yet You are always there arms wide open awaiting my return.

Praise Your Name!