Recent goal... Didn't start out as a goal...

So this week instead of turning on the TV while I cook dinner and while we eat I have been paying Kari Jobe on Pandora on my phone... Has it made a difference? I don't know. But I do know as a Christian we must surround ourselves with positive influences because if it comes in our ears it goes to our brain which then controls our thoughts.  I want to meditate 24/7 on God's goodness and His mercy. I want my kids to see that... I want them to want Him... I want them to have a fire for Him... Most days I am a failure but the Bible says we have ALL fallen short (Romans 3:23).  But there is this amazing thing called Mercy! And it is new everyday... So my new goal... Listen to christian music while I am cooking dinner and while we eat every night...

What I once was..

I am in no resemblance of the teenager I once was. I was an awkward girl, who thought that I was a nobody. I rarely talked to anyone that didn't first talk to me. I am not sure what I would have done had I ever gotten in a fight with someone, I probably would have laid down and let them beat up on me. I know that I never stood up for myself.  Now I look at the daughters I am raising, I don't want them to be like that. I want them to be confident and strong in who they are. I want them to be the girl that everyone wants to be friends with. I want them to know that God loves them and that they love God. I want them to not worry about what others think of them. God, let me be an example of You to them.

I am a hypocrite..

Rush of Fools sings a song called Undo, and in it there is a line that says:

To label me a hypocrite would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be.

True Dat.

Most days, I feel like a hypocrite. I preach don't judge, and then judge the person standing in front of me at WalMart. I'm no better than the next person, the Bible says we are ALL sinners, and we ALL have fallen short.

I am no better.

Raining

My dad always use to say, "When it rains it pours." This summer that couldn't be more true in our life.
School is overwhelming, almost.
Work, is ridiculous (Welcome to summer in Branson) add to that employees who don't know what is appropriate behavior.
My ex is.... ugh.. not even going to go there (My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.. and I really don't have anything nice to say.)
A wedding I'm trying to plan with no money...
And my car messing up AGAIN!!!! And this time it's another major issue... So now I'm upside down in a loan on a car that has already costed me $600 plus dollars this summer...

Lord,

I know that you have a plan... And you promised to never give me more than I can handle...

I am trusting in You to help and to Provide.

I am leaning on You and your word... My human nature is about to break down... Lord You see my tears. I pray for wisdom and strength.

I love you and am so grateful my life is in your hands. Please help me to remember that you have all this under control.

Thank you

Am I More?

Sometimes I get to point where I really being to wonder if God can see past all the mistakes I've made. People look at me and tell me that you are a really good person. But they don't know. They don't know all the stupid things I've done. All the hurts I've caused. All the problems I've caused. They don't know the selfish decisions I've made. And being a parent, most days I feel like I've failed at being a good parent. And when I share my thoughts with other people they don't understand why I feel this way. "Because you are a good person." The Bible says that being a good person isn't good enough. I want to have a heart for Him. I want to be close to Him, but everything I do pulls me away from Him. Failure. It's becoming a familiar feeling.



I heard this song on the way to work this morning and it made me cry, because it reminded me I've been remade.

Don't call me that.

Am I the only that doesn't like it when others call you an inspiration? I'm not an inspiration. I am not someone to look up to. I am so worried that my actions will lead others astray, when I'm trying to lead them to Him. So please don't get mad if I say I'm not someone to look up to. I'm struggling with myself to keep putting God first, and I fail most days.

One of those days...

I am just so glad that God has given me a heart that one days like today, when I think about His grace and His mercy, I am overwhelmed to the point of tears.  God loves me. God provides for me. God is still God even if my world was falling apart. Some days, I have a tendency to forget how good He is to me. And then there are days like today where all I can think about is his goodness.