Am I More?

Sometimes I get to point where I really being to wonder if God can see past all the mistakes I've made. People look at me and tell me that you are a really good person. But they don't know. They don't know all the stupid things I've done. All the hurts I've caused. All the problems I've caused. They don't know the selfish decisions I've made. And being a parent, most days I feel like I've failed at being a good parent. And when I share my thoughts with other people they don't understand why I feel this way. "Because you are a good person." The Bible says that being a good person isn't good enough. I want to have a heart for Him. I want to be close to Him, but everything I do pulls me away from Him. Failure. It's becoming a familiar feeling.



I heard this song on the way to work this morning and it made me cry, because it reminded me I've been remade.

Don't call me that.

Am I the only that doesn't like it when others call you an inspiration? I'm not an inspiration. I am not someone to look up to. I am so worried that my actions will lead others astray, when I'm trying to lead them to Him. So please don't get mad if I say I'm not someone to look up to. I'm struggling with myself to keep putting God first, and I fail most days.

One of those days...

I am just so glad that God has given me a heart that one days like today, when I think about His grace and His mercy, I am overwhelmed to the point of tears.  God loves me. God provides for me. God is still God even if my world was falling apart. Some days, I have a tendency to forget how good He is to me. And then there are days like today where all I can think about is his goodness.

I refuse

I love music.. I love listening to music, especially when the lyrics really speak to me. I have been told that I have a worshiper's heart. And I agree with that statement, because I love to sing praise and worship music, and I love to worship. There's something about it that really feeds my soul. I know that I have a horrible singing voice but I don't care.

Today's song is I Refuse by Josh Wilson, because it says,


But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse




I love this song, because that is the desire of my heart. I don't want to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself! I refuse! 


Love that song. 

A thousand times I failed...

These lyrics are hitting home today:
A thousand times I failed still Your mercy remains.

A THOUSAND times I failed... not just 10, not a 100, but 1000.. That's me, I fail over and over again, and yet You are always there arms wide open awaiting my return.

Praise Your Name!

20 Seconds

So lately I keep being reminded of this simple thought: "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and something beautiful will come out of it." (The thought is from the movie We Bought a Zoo). And then at church last night we had a guest preacher and he preached about fear and courage and our faith in God, and how we need to put Him first in EVERYTHING we do.  Well on my way to work this morning the song Walk on The Water by Britt Nicole and the bridge says:
(step out)
Even when its storming
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid


I don't know why I keep being reminded of this, all I can do is pray. God if you are preparing me for something, Lord please change me and mold me into what you would have me be.  I don't know the future but you hold it in your hands. You know my steps before I do. I praise Your mighty name and and so thankful for all the wonderful things you have/are/will do in my life.


Thank you for loving me even in my sin and in all my faults. Thank you for showing me unconditional love. Thank you for your grace and your mercy which are new everyday. I pray that my desire and fire for you never dwindle and never go out. You are my desire. You are my passion. You are my life.

When we can't feel Him

I was listening to the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, which I've heard probably a hundred times, but today I actually listened to the words and they really spoke to me. The second verse it says:

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

That is me. When I can't fell Him near I get angry at Him. I think I take for granted that feeling of Him near. However, we can't trust our feelings because they can mislead us. God's word says that He will never forsake us, that He loves us. Luke 12:23-25 says "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" That right there should tell you how much He love you. His word is what we need to rely on, not how we feel. Just because you don't "feel" like God loves you, doesn't mean He doesn't. Look in His word to see how much He loves you. He gave His son, so that YOU would have everlasting life (with Him!)!!!