Love

Well we just finished Amanda's kindergarten year. And even though it flew by, a lot happened in those nine months. Her dad didn't contact her at all. We discovered that she is slowly losing her hearing. And finally, the biggest one, she was diagnosed with Asperger's. What does this mean for her? Well, honestly nothing really. She had her IQ tested and we discovered she is incredibly smart, and the school is going to let her try 2nd grade this fall. If it doesn't work out and she struggles, we will put her in 1st grade. I know that there are lots of reasons as to why I shouldn't do this, but here's my question to all the people who doubt my decision: Why should I hold her back? She loves to learn so let's let her learn. The biggest thing that worries me about her is that this is something she will have to deal with her entire life. She is already getting made fun of at school. It's heart breaking to see your child not understand why kids say the things or do the things they do to her. However, there is a plan in this. God has His reasons. We can't see them or most of the time understand them, but there is a plan in this. I believe that He has big plans for Amanda.

Now, my baby starts kindergarten this fall. I can't even begin to describe the emotions I am experiencing over that. She is my baby. Knowing that I may not have any more children makes this even harder. I look at her and I still see my precious toddler following me around because she wanted me to hold her.

I am so thankful for both of my children. They are so beautiful and unique in their own ways. I am loving watching them grow up and watching them learn about God and how He sent Jesus to die for our sins. I love listening to them belt out in the back seat "God's not Dead He's surely alive" when it comes on the radio.

I am have not made the right decisions when I was 18, 19, 20, even now. But God gave me those girls to change my life. And to show me about how much it hurt Him to send His own son to the cross.

Confrontation...

It's no secret. If you know you know I'm terrified of confrontation. I'm tried to figure out  what about it scares me and I honestly have no idea. I just know I'm so scared of it, I will do anything to avoid it. And a lot of times that means, causing myself extra work. People tell me all the time, I let people walk all over me. I don't see it that way.

However, I wonder if there is a reason. The Bible tells us to "turn the other check."  I don't like upsetting people, even if they've upset me. This isn't always the case, if you get me mad enough *cough* my ex husband, you won't like the words that come out of my mouth.

So my question in all this rambling is, is there a difference between "turning the other check" and "getting walked on"????

A praying mother

While browsing the internet last night after class, I found where my step daughter (who I haven't met) posted that she has no desire to meet me or my daughters. I took this statement very personal and was really upset and hurt by this. After spending sometime with my thoughts and prayers I realized a few things. 1. Why am I letting a teenager have control over my emotions? 2. There has to be a reason she feels this way. I may not be the cause but I won't add to it. 3. My kids may not get to know their step sister, but that is her loss and not theirs. 4. I need to spend more time praying. 5. God is the God of restoration. 6. She hasn't had an easy life with her dad being an addict some of her life. 7. She needs someone praying for her. 

I will be the mom that prays for my children. She may not be mine, but she will still be prayed for. I believe that I serve a God of the impossible. I may not agree with her post but I haven't been in her shoes.

http://sermonseeker.com/sermons/Holiday/The%20Power%20Of%20A%20Praying%20Mother



I love the first statement of this sermon: 

How can a mother make the greatest impact on the lives of her children? I believe she can do this by praying earnestly, regularly and passionately for them.


I will pray more.

He needs them..

Where has time gone?! I feel like this past year or so has gone by so fast. Amanda starts kindergarten in less than a month, how did that happen!?! I'm not ready for that. I remember school, and the kids were so mean. I just pray she doesn't have a hard time in school.

 My husband hasn't really spent anytime with his children in over 3 years. That started because he got arrested for drugs. He's been clean ever since and has finally got his life back in order and now they don't want to have anything to do with him. I know that having an addict for a parent isn't easy. My dad was alcoholic, wait, he still is; however, now he is a functioning alcoholic. I can remember him being arrested for DWI, visiting him in treatment centers, him being so drunk he couldn't walk. I know that they have a lot of resentment towards him, because he was being selfish and making horrible decisions. Anyways, back to the bad advice. He had joint custody and was paying child support but still wasn't seeing them. So I told him, to fight for his children. I told him that they may not appreciate it now, but when they are older they will look back and say that dad didn't give up on us, he fought for us. Don't think that he didn't want to do something, he did, it tore him up that his kids didn't want to see him. He would cry when he would talk about rubbing Keeley's back until she fell asleep, coaching Tyler's little league, etc. He missed them so much, but he didn't want to make them see him. So, he finally decided to follow  my advice, well months later, no progress, and the kids won't have anything to do with him or me. All I can do is pray, pray for restoration for that family. They don't see it now, but they need each other. He needs them in his life, I can tell that he isn't whole without them. Faith, that's what I am doing, I'm having faith. Faith, that one day, they will have an amazing relationship again.

Where are You?

Have you ever gotten to a point where you don't know what else to do? All you do is cry to God, "I need you now!!" You don't know what to pray for.  All you pray for is His will to be done, because you know in your heart of hearts that His will is far better than anything you could ever imagine. I'm at a loss as to what to do with my daughter, she has been manipulated into thinking she doesn't want to live with me. Do you know how much that hurts? And she is acting out so bad. I just KNOW that He has a plan. Some days are so difficult when it seems like everything around you is setting you up for failure. When it feels like the walls are coming down on your life... There is protection in His will and that's where I want to be. I am so thankful for my children, I look at them and am reminded how truly blessed I am to have these pure children how love me.  And then there is my husband, if it wasn't for him, I don't know what I would do with out him.

James 1:12
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Romans 5:3-4
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Galatians 6:9 

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Romans 2:7
To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

Hebrews 10:36
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

1 Chronicles 16:11
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

Matthew 10:22
All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Romans 8:28 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

2 Thessalonians 3:5
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Timothy 4:16
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2 Peter 1:5-7
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

James 5:11
As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

Hebrews 2:1
We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.

Revelation 2:2-3
I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

Recent goal... Didn't start out as a goal...

So this week instead of turning on the TV while I cook dinner and while we eat I have been paying Kari Jobe on Pandora on my phone... Has it made a difference? I don't know. But I do know as a Christian we must surround ourselves with positive influences because if it comes in our ears it goes to our brain which then controls our thoughts.  I want to meditate 24/7 on God's goodness and His mercy. I want my kids to see that... I want them to want Him... I want them to have a fire for Him... Most days I am a failure but the Bible says we have ALL fallen short (Romans 3:23).  But there is this amazing thing called Mercy! And it is new everyday... So my new goal... Listen to christian music while I am cooking dinner and while we eat every night...

What I once was..

I am in no resemblance of the teenager I once was. I was an awkward girl, who thought that I was a nobody. I rarely talked to anyone that didn't first talk to me. I am not sure what I would have done had I ever gotten in a fight with someone, I probably would have laid down and let them beat up on me. I know that I never stood up for myself.  Now I look at the daughters I am raising, I don't want them to be like that. I want them to be confident and strong in who they are. I want them to be the girl that everyone wants to be friends with. I want them to know that God loves them and that they love God. I want them to not worry about what others think of them. God, let me be an example of You to them.