I am a hypocrite..

Rush of Fools sings a song called Undo, and in it there is a line that says:

To label me a hypocrite would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be.

True Dat.

Most days, I feel like a hypocrite. I preach don't judge, and then judge the person standing in front of me at WalMart. I'm no better than the next person, the Bible says we are ALL sinners, and we ALL have fallen short.

I am no better.

Raining

My dad always use to say, "When it rains it pours." This summer that couldn't be more true in our life.
School is overwhelming, almost.
Work, is ridiculous (Welcome to summer in Branson) add to that employees who don't know what is appropriate behavior.
My ex is.... ugh.. not even going to go there (My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.. and I really don't have anything nice to say.)
A wedding I'm trying to plan with no money...
And my car messing up AGAIN!!!! And this time it's another major issue... So now I'm upside down in a loan on a car that has already costed me $600 plus dollars this summer...

Lord,

I know that you have a plan... And you promised to never give me more than I can handle...

I am trusting in You to help and to Provide.

I am leaning on You and your word... My human nature is about to break down... Lord You see my tears. I pray for wisdom and strength.

I love you and am so grateful my life is in your hands. Please help me to remember that you have all this under control.

Thank you

Am I More?

Sometimes I get to point where I really being to wonder if God can see past all the mistakes I've made. People look at me and tell me that you are a really good person. But they don't know. They don't know all the stupid things I've done. All the hurts I've caused. All the problems I've caused. They don't know the selfish decisions I've made. And being a parent, most days I feel like I've failed at being a good parent. And when I share my thoughts with other people they don't understand why I feel this way. "Because you are a good person." The Bible says that being a good person isn't good enough. I want to have a heart for Him. I want to be close to Him, but everything I do pulls me away from Him. Failure. It's becoming a familiar feeling.



I heard this song on the way to work this morning and it made me cry, because it reminded me I've been remade.

Don't call me that.

Am I the only that doesn't like it when others call you an inspiration? I'm not an inspiration. I am not someone to look up to. I am so worried that my actions will lead others astray, when I'm trying to lead them to Him. So please don't get mad if I say I'm not someone to look up to. I'm struggling with myself to keep putting God first, and I fail most days.

One of those days...

I am just so glad that God has given me a heart that one days like today, when I think about His grace and His mercy, I am overwhelmed to the point of tears.  God loves me. God provides for me. God is still God even if my world was falling apart. Some days, I have a tendency to forget how good He is to me. And then there are days like today where all I can think about is his goodness.

I refuse

I love music.. I love listening to music, especially when the lyrics really speak to me. I have been told that I have a worshiper's heart. And I agree with that statement, because I love to sing praise and worship music, and I love to worship. There's something about it that really feeds my soul. I know that I have a horrible singing voice but I don't care.

Today's song is I Refuse by Josh Wilson, because it says,


But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse




I love this song, because that is the desire of my heart. I don't want to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself! I refuse! 


Love that song. 

A thousand times I failed...

These lyrics are hitting home today:
A thousand times I failed still Your mercy remains.

A THOUSAND times I failed... not just 10, not a 100, but 1000.. That's me, I fail over and over again, and yet You are always there arms wide open awaiting my return.

Praise Your Name!

20 Seconds

So lately I keep being reminded of this simple thought: "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and something beautiful will come out of it." (The thought is from the movie We Bought a Zoo). And then at church last night we had a guest preacher and he preached about fear and courage and our faith in God, and how we need to put Him first in EVERYTHING we do.  Well on my way to work this morning the song Walk on The Water by Britt Nicole and the bridge says:
(step out)
Even when its storming
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid


I don't know why I keep being reminded of this, all I can do is pray. God if you are preparing me for something, Lord please change me and mold me into what you would have me be.  I don't know the future but you hold it in your hands. You know my steps before I do. I praise Your mighty name and and so thankful for all the wonderful things you have/are/will do in my life.


Thank you for loving me even in my sin and in all my faults. Thank you for showing me unconditional love. Thank you for your grace and your mercy which are new everyday. I pray that my desire and fire for you never dwindle and never go out. You are my desire. You are my passion. You are my life.

When we can't feel Him

I was listening to the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, which I've heard probably a hundred times, but today I actually listened to the words and they really spoke to me. The second verse it says:

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

That is me. When I can't fell Him near I get angry at Him. I think I take for granted that feeling of Him near. However, we can't trust our feelings because they can mislead us. God's word says that He will never forsake us, that He loves us. Luke 12:23-25 says "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" That right there should tell you how much He love you. His word is what we need to rely on, not how we feel. Just because you don't "feel" like God loves you, doesn't mean He doesn't. Look in His word to see how much He loves you. He gave His son, so that YOU would have everlasting life (with Him!)!!!

Example

We need a generation on fire for Christ... We need people who are willing to lead this generation.. We need revival in our schools!!!!!!!!

We have to remember we are walking examples of Christ, of His love, His grace, and His mercy. We do NOT have to be perfect, we are human, but we have to remember we are not of this world!!!!!!!! We have all been called to shine His light to this world!!

Do not let someone tell you you aren't a Christian because you said a curse word, or because you had a glass of wine, or because you don't go around shoving the bible down every one's throat. You're relationship with God is between you and Him. However, don't go around saying you are a Christian knowing you aren't right with Him, because you are just going to lead people further away from Him.

God has called us to love Him and love His people. Are you doing that?! Or are you judging them before you even know them?! Are you "hating" them because they don't dress like you?! Love your neighbor!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

Before you judge someone put yourself in their place. God loves us for what He sees in us.. Not what we see in ourselves! :)

You are...

Simply put... You are my everything. How could I have gone my entire life and not known that? My everything, if I never find another husband, if I lose my job tomorrow, if I discover I have cancer tomorrow, it doesn't matter. You are everything to me.
Jehovah Jireh - My Provider!
Jehovah Nissi - You reign in VICTORY!
Jehovah Shalom - Prince of Peace
And you are the teacher of unconditional love. You continue to love me despite ALL my short comings, and all my mistakes.
LOVE this verse:
1 Peter 1:9
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

PRAISE HIM!! We do not live in the dark anymore but in the light!!!

Prayer-
God,

I do not know what's in my future, and am so glad that it's in Your hands. I am also so thankful that I am becoming a much better example of Your love for my children. I still have a ways to go, but I am making progress. God I pray that I be an example of Your light and Your love to the hurting generation. They are so in need of YOU!!!! God give me the words and the courage!!!!

Those who forgive much have been forgiven of much!!

Thank you JESUS!!!

One Mistake Away

Have you ever heard that song East to West by Casting Crowns? If not here is the link, please listen to it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6zdihmwy1M&feature=related

Dear God,
I know that I should never judge my relationship with You based on feelings, because if I did I would feel unworthy and unsaved almost every day!!!! Today is no exception. God I know that you love me and I know that my sins are forgotten by You, but today I am feeling just like that songs says, I am just one mistake away from you leaving this way. And I am, in a way, glad I feel like this because in makes me seek Your face more and more and more! God I desire to be a living light for you. I pray to show Your love to all I come in contact with. I pray over my children Lord may they never have a day where they doubt Your or my love for them. Lord I pray for all those that are lost, or hurting or broken I pray they find you. God You are amazing!

Peace that Passes all Understanding!
Ashlee

Dear God!!

Getting involved... Starting somewhere in ministry and discovering where God wants us to be... This was the message Saturday night. Well, unknown to anyone but God and myself, I have no idea where I am suppose to be in ministry. Do I believe I am called? Yes, not to preach but somewhere. I do know that I am worshiper, I have the heart of a worshiper. I believe we are all called to worship Him, but I am called to worship. So that leads me to the reason behind this blog...
While driving home today "How He Loves Us" by David Crowder Band started playing and I had this idea.  At a church I use to attend had what they called drama's where the youth group would act out a song, and some would sign the words to the song while the song played. As simple as they sound they were always soooooo moving!!! So I got this idea that we should do this at Church Army, I then proceeded to call the preacher's wife and told her about it. She told me to talk to the children's teacher and then call her back and let her know what she thought of it. After we hung up I started to get all thoughts about the logistics of it, like how could I actually pull something like this off? etc.. And then the scene from Facing the Giants came to my mind, the part at the end of the movie after they win the state championship and they are in the locker room and their coach is saying, "What is impossible with God?" and the players are all saying "Nothing!!" I will leave it up to God!

So my question is, Could this be a God thing? Like, I wish I could put in words how excited I am about this! Could this be what God wants me to do?

PRAY! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!!!

Peace..

Sometimes I forget how blessed I am.... More than just the obvious reasons (shelter, clothes, job, kids, etc.) but what about my salvation.. What about his mercy.. What about all the heart breaks he has healed me from.. What about the peace that I have... Those things are HUGE!!!!!! Can you imagine one day without his salvation? One day without His mercy? Can you imagine feeling heart ache every day of your life? Can you imagine living with out peace? If you don't have His peace, what's stopping it? What is going on in your life that is preventing His peace? Have you prayed to have Him show you? Have you stopped to listen?

God is good! He wants to give us His peace, His love, salvation, grace and mercy. But first we must ask Him for it. And then we have to serve Him!

Sleepless Night

So tonight I was laying in bed, so tired that my I couldn't keep my eyes open but I couldn't go to sleep, and I felt it in my heart to come here and blog.. about what, I'm not sure yet, hopefully I will find a point.  Today was an amazing day, God is so good. A friend reminded me that God's timing is so perfect. She proceeded to tell me that God prepares us, the way Ester was prepared for her king. He is preparing us for His divine plan.  Sometimes I've wondered if the mistakes I made caused me to take the long way to what He has designed for me, you know kind of like the Israelites spending 40 years circling the same mountain. OR (and I am really voting for this one) God knew the mistakes I would make and this is all part of His plan.  All I know is that I have made mistakes, and unfortunately I am still human and I keep making mistakes.. However God's mercy is new EVERY morning!! Do you know how awesome that is?! Did you know that you can't go after Him without Him coming after you?! One of my favorite songs is Phillips, Craig, & Dean's "Mercy Came Running"... I hear that song and I am crying and praising God.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,

I come to You tonight, feeling so humbled by Your goodness to me. By the fact that You still love me. Lord I pray You continue to work in me, continue to "prepare" me for the husband You have chosen for me.  Lord, I pray that you know the desires of my heart, and I will continue to have faith. I will set my standards to be those You have given me. Please help me realize that I am good enough for a man of God! God help me grow past all my insecurities from all those years ago.

Amen

Decisions Entered Into Lightly...

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Being a mom I encounter thousands of decisions daily.. lol.. I'm not over exaggerating either. It's things for like what juice to buy to what shows shouldn't I let my child watch to should we get dressed today or stay in our PJs.  I have had a tendency to wonder: Does God really care about the little things? YES!! He cares about everything about us. Do we need to pray about everything? Not necessarily, but if you even think you need to pray then you probably should.  Life isn't easy but God doesn't want us to stress about everything either. I know I don't pray enough through out the day, and I know for sure I have not been an example to my children about praying.  I do pray with them at night before they go to sleep but they don't see me praying during the day.  I am getting myself in the habit of praying before I make any decision, because I want God's will for my life.  I keep getting in my own way. This is a story our of the "big book" aka Alcoholics Anonymous:

"Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.  If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modes and self-sacrificing....... What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right....  What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?" (pg 60-61)

That's me!!! 

But I want God's will for life, I want His perfect plan for my life!!! I will not be anxious, but I will PRAY!

Are we Godly Examples?

My goal in life is to be an example of God's mercy and love, and I am not alone in this goal. However, what about our children? What about my children? Do they know that God loves them unconditional, that He created them (Isaiah 43:1)? Do my children know that? No. Now wait before you get all "what are you a hypocrite" on me, my children do know God. Amanda asked me today, "Do you know how to get into Heaven, Momma? All you do is say 'God, be in my heart'." I was truly proud of her, but I can't take credit for her knowing that and that is a huge kick to gut. I want to be an example to my children, I want them to see His grace and mercy through my actions, and not just in my words.
Matthew 5:14 says, "We are the light to world." Shouldn't that start in our own homes? It will start in my home.

Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray to be the best mother I can be. I pray to be a Godly example to my children. I want them to know You, because they have seen how amazing You are in my life. Lord, I pray that you hold me accountable for my actions. I have 2 sets of little eyes watching and mimicking every move I make, bad and good.  I don't want to make anymore bad moves. Lord, if I do I pray they don't see it. Lord, guide my steps. I don't want to take any steps out of Your perfect will. God you are so good to me, even through all my mistakes, missteps, failures, etc. Thank you!

Praise You!
Amen